Unobservant Me

today's surgery X-ray conference has convinced me that i definitely cannot be a radiologist. haha! i am soooo unobservant sometimes i wanna shoot myself. i always feel like knocking my head against the wall for missing out signs during physical examination, for not seeing lesions in the X-ray or CT scan. some things are glaring at me and i didn't even notice them.

the radiologist was amazing this morning! he could pick up the smallest abnormality and the slightest deviation in colour tones in the CT scans. impressive! he was describing some metastases in the liver and viola! in the next split second he sees 2 tiny lesions in the spleen. he was looking for some lymph nodes or bowel abnormality, then saw this black dot in the stomach and knew that it must be the nasogastric tube. haha... i know what u ppl r gonna say... u're gonna say "com'on! he does this everyday! he is so used to scrutinizing CT scans everyday that he prob can spot anything with only half his brain working."

i think it's very true how the eyes see only what the mind wants them to see. if ur mind doesn't instruct ur eyes to look for things, u wun notice them no matter how long u stare at it. however, some ppl have this innate knack for observing things. they do it like it's their 2nd nature. they do it to ppl they see on the street, things they see in the shops, etc. it's so instinctive for them to stare, observe and notice things!

unfortunately, i dun have such an instinct... i'm a very simplistic person. i do things that serve a purpose. if i wanna buy a pair of shoes, i'll scrutinize it thoroughly. if u asked me about the bags sold in the shop too, i'll have no clue abt them. haha! if i care abt a person, wanna know more abt a person, i'll take note of what he or she's wearing, whether he/she is wearing a smile. but why should i care whether this passer-by is holding a branded handbag or not? he/she means nothing to me and has no effect on me whatsoever!

especially from a medical student's point of view whereby it doesn't matter whether u make the right diagnosis for now, since u dun directly influence the management of the patient. coz of this, i dun hafta care... dun hafta make sure i observe the patient properly. this is terrible!! it's extremely impt to be observant in medicine! this must change from now on... i must pretend i AM the attending houseofficer of the patient. i must pretend that this patient's life is in my hands if i dun examine and diagnose her properly. i must pretend to be in charge. this is the only way i can learn to observe more carefully...