Mean girl...

I've noticed some change in myself... not some sudden change but a gradual change. i think i used to be an absolute goody-two shoes... always very tolerant in everybody's eyes, never thrown any temper on anyone, always flashing my bright white teeth to everyone that comes my way, never said a single mean word about anyone, never had enemies or hated anyone.

hmm... no idea why i was like that in the past... was it cos i cared about others' opinions too much? was it cos i just hasn't seen enough evil in the world yet, simply thought the best of ppl n hence put forth my best to others too? was it cos i couldn't care less abt the ills of the world n so why let any unhappiness seep into my life by voicing my critical thoughts?

Recently, i have received comments from various ppl... either directly or indirectly... that i've become more vocal abt my dislikes, said meaner things abt ppl who r truly mean, maybe becoming truer to my real inner feelings abt ppl. hmm... i wonder if it's good or bad thing to happen to me...

Maybe i've grown up... maybe i've realized u can't please everyone in this world. maybe i've realized u dun hafta be nice to ppl who r mean and end up being bad to urself. maybe i've realized ppl dun isolate u or think poorly of you even when u say bad things as long as they are true. maybe i've seen enough mean-ness in this world to think maybe it's alright... ("common = normal" theory?) maybe i've realized something that is wrong should be corrected... and what better way than to say it out loud?

However, i'm still mindful that words can really kill. like harsh words without any constructive value, like accusations without any grounds, like falsely exaggerated words, like words intended to hurt rather than solve a problem, like malicious gossiping... i also know that at certain situations some truths are not acceptable and will lead to unnecessary tension. for example, in the working environment... hence, i still choose to be careful with my words generally. i still wish to select words that are befitting to the situation or person rather than those closer to my real feelings.

Is that being hypocritical... some may ask. i like to believe it's not... i call it being tactful, being diplomatic. especially in the working world, it's not coz i care whether that person will still continue to be my fren... or whether that person think i'm a nice person or not... more like it's coz i care whether any obstacle in the professional communication will prevent the work from being completed.

Well, i'm still not really sure whether i like this change in myself... learning to be meaner when the need arises or when my feelings call for it...