Work life vs Personal life... FIGHT!

after almost 3 months of working, i've come to realize some things...

my work requires a lot of discipline and efficiency! (DUH!) the amount of paper work i have to deal with everyday is just tremendous... and to deal with this protocol, that protocol. look, every single day of work i'll have a list of things to do... and there's no procrastinating! i just hafta make sure i do them! and the faster i finish doing them, the happier i will be cos then i'll have some free time for some nice lunch or coffee and my team will be happy with me during evening rounds.

there is no way i can say "aiya... nevermind la... no need to fill up that form la!" cos the rule is simple: i dun fill up a form, my patient will lie in bed for nothing! or i definitely can't say "aiya... nevermind la... fill up tomorrow la!" cos then the patient pays for an extra day of hospital stay.

well, maybe it's cos i just started out working, so i'm honestly putting in almost 100% effort into my work currently. when i'm at work, i work damn damn hard... try my very best to make sure everything goes smoothly for the team and most imptly, for the patients.

sounds good huh?? absolutely not!! cos it means that when i'm outside work, i have no more zest and effort left. see how i took soooo long to finally fill up my platinum visa application form. everyday i looked at the form, it just totally repelled me... something inside me screamed "ENOUGH FORMS FOR THE DAY!!!"

ok... maybe something more significant... my finances are in a big big mess! haven't applied for insurance... haven't submitted my loan repayment form... (MORE FORMS!! ARGH!) i'm throwing my hard-earned money to cabbies everyday... cos i walk sooo much when i'm working that once i stop wearing that Dr tag, no way am i gonna walk to the mrt station and the overhead bridge!

and i hafta remember the day this patient had op... the date this patient is listed for op... until i forget my friends' and even almost forgot my MOM's birthday!

i'm trying so hard to be a responsible HO and clear up my dirty trays and used sterile sets properly... make sure things are in order at work. but once i'm home, i throw my bag down, leave my dishes unwashed and heck care about my messy table.

i've used up 100% of my energy trying to manage my patients well and as a result, become a failure in managing my own life. DISGUSTING... i'm disgusted at how i've turned out.

is it the occupation... cos it involves other ppl's well-being and lives? or is it just me... being too much of a workaholic?

how do you strike a balance really? i mean if i cut down on my effort at work and shift it to better my own life, is it fair to the patients who entrusted their lives in my hands? if my life is in the ruins, it's just my life ma...

haha... altruism at its best huh?? i dunno if i'm the only crazy soul who thinks like tt... but then i really dunno how ppl doing medicine can walk away and say "chey! bochup la! no need to put in so much effort la!" if u can do tt, i think u may be in a wrong profession.

oh well, for now... my life may hafta remain in a mess so that my patients can all go home happy. anyone who has some golden advice or special formula, do drop me a note...