The big WHY

(inspired by wei qiang)

Why medicine? Why do you wanna be a doctor? these are questions that've been popped to me so many times by strangers, new acquaintances, friends, family and relatives.

what's more interesting though, is that there were multiple times when i asked these questions to myself too! and i suspect there's more to come in the near future!!

the journey's so tough in medicine. sometimes, we really can't help but ask ourselves "oh man... what have i gotten myself into?" it's like halfway in the marathon and u start to wonder what possessed u to sign up for this stupid marathon!! (not tt i've ever run a marathon b4... but well... it's just an analogy)

we really hafta work very very hard in the medicine faculty. look at our pathetic out-of-sync holidays (what hols?? u mean study breaks meant for studying?)! plus the long hours of clinical years! the final mbbs was the worst... it was such a torturous experience which i'm sooo glad i only hafta go through once in my life.

at low points like these, i feel like i've gotten so far that i have no other way to go except continue the journey. indeed, to go backwards n start all over again would be almost impossible at this stage of my life. it's as if i've dug so deep a hole, chose to jump into it and hence, will never be able to get out. So i can only dig further and hope to find bright day light at some end.

things can only get worse... (i'm not trying to spoil everyone's mood and be a pessimist again la. just being realistic...) i expect to start wondering abt my choice in career say 1 or 2 weeks after 2 May actually. i'll probably be asking qns like "wah lau! i studied so hard so that i can work so hard now? what crap!" or "surely a good and hardworking girl like me deserves better than having to do all these saikang right?"

but wait a min...

asking myself "why i wanna be a doctor" always gives me the revelation that'll somehow erase all the misgivings and complaints. i have no concrete answers as to why i wanna be a doctor. sure... i wanna save lives. why not right? maybe tt's part of the reason. it's a challenge and i like challenges (gosh... reminds me of a particular ostracized individual)! maybe a lil but not really also.

basically, i can't quite describe it but i guess something inside me just knows there's nothing else i wanna be except a doctor. (haha. yeah... i always like exclusion criteria better than inclusion criteria. so much easier...) it's a sorta emotion... a feeling... not quite a logical reason that i can put into words. (surprise surprise! gerri actually ruled by emotions rather than logic!!)

dunno if anyone understands what i'm saying... or actually feels what i'm feeling too. haha! it's ok... i dun quite understand myself sometimes.

so yup... really hope whatever inside me that's pushing me thus far, will continue to be my moving force through the hard times that are abt to arrive.

one of my favourite quotes again... "courage does not mean 'without fear'. it means the recognition of something more impt than fear." i'm really scared of HOship (aka hardship)... but i know for sure this career and the reason behind my choosing this career are definitely more impt than fear.