School phobia...

i woke up with a sigh... it's my last day of hols!!! oh no... final year's starting n i'm starting to get the jitters. wait... if i get jittery now, what abt standing in front of those staring eyes of profs with disapproving looks? ARGH!!

anyway, this hols have been really great! accomplished a lot i feel... despite having lots of personal time to myself too. i managed to set up my auzzie trip photo album, spent solid time with my family in kukup island and the zoo, caught up with my kindergarten buddy and found that if u once cliqued well, u'll still clique well, went shopping with my sis, visited vivian (a patient-turned-fren), met up with my bandmates and close buddies, watched 2 movies, went on a shopping spree every other day to satisfy my earrings fetish, read a few good novels, learnt 2 new piano pieces, played lots of mahjong, visited my godma and family n made a collage for liling's birthday present.

sounds very much like i foresee there're all these things i won't be able to do once school starts huh? that's why i'm completing them all during this hols. hmm... not good...

i must not abandon my life despite having this enormous task of passing MBBS. what good would life be if it is just about studying right? well, we can always say this is the final year and u just need to put it ur heart n soul into medicine for this 1 year... it'll just be 1 year. but life's too precious to be living 1 year and then look back with regret. isn't it?

everyone has priorities in life, i suppose. for some, they see medicine as a no.1 priority in their life. everything else comes 2nd, 3rd or becomes totally unimportant to them. i have a question though... do life priorities need to be fixed all the time? does something always have to be in No.1 priority? i beg to differ. i think priorities is not a stagnant thing. the list of priorities can be interchangeable depending on circumstances and events. For example, if a posting test is drawing near, of course studies become my top priority. but if it's my dad's bday, celebrating with family comes above studying. n if it's valentine's day, that day goes to my significant other definitely.

of course, it all sounds wonderful theoretically. often, life is not so simple... ppl will say what if vday falls on the eve of ur exam. well, i'm sure things can still be juggled. just 1 hr of romantic dinner and gift exchange with ur loved one wun make u study so much less that u'll fail right?

despite all these smart talk, i'm still having school phobia... so what exactly am i afraid of? if not abt balancing studies n life? haaiii... most people tell me "don't worry! hardly anyone fails! so many people made it, you can do it too!" i think sometimes it's not failing MBBS that is scary. sometimes it's the expectations everyone has on final year students that scares me. I still remember all the year 3 tutors going "oh... you don't have to know that until you get to final year." i mean i'm in final year now, do i know enough to be a final year? i seriously doubt so. darn! looks like i'll have to brace myself for lots of humiliation and condescending tones tutors are gonna throw at me. i can so imagine someone telling me "you mean you're year 5 and you still dunno this?"

looking on the bright side, better someone tell me off now than in the exam hall. okie... ganbatte gerri! life will be bad but u're strong!